I'm going to try and do my best to update this blog more often. I usually just do adoption updates and since right now, we are just in the waiting period with that... I don't have a lot to post about. We started this process September 23rd 2013. So it's been a little over 8 mos now. Wow!! I can't believe it. In some ways it seems like it's gone by really fast and in some ways it's dragging. I will say that for some reason the past couple of weeks have been the hardest for me to wait since we started the process. I've just had a different feeling in my heart lately. Many days, I feel like my heart literally aches. I think it hit me most when I looked at our family pics from Easter. As soon as I looked at them , I felt like something was missing. In all reality.. it is!! Our 3rd child. Everyone told us in the beginning that this whole process would be a roller coaster of emotions. Boy were they right. Most of the time I just go about our daily life and try to just enjoy our family of 4 before we become a family of 5! But there are times when I can't hardly stand the wait!!!! Our family dealt with infertility before we had Jaxon so I know that feeling and that's the best way to describe it. The only difference is that we DO know it will happen..just don't know when. I told Bobby it's not even like a pregnancy because at least that way you know it will happen and pretty much know when.
On our adoption website there are adopting parent profiles for birthmoms to read and help give her an overview of each family. Sometimes they choose a family just from that but sometimes they call the agency and mention a family that has caught their eye and want to see their entire profile (photo book, homestudy, etc). I check the website pretty often to see if anyone has been matched or just new families added. Since ours was added to the profile on April 1st, there have been 10 additional families added. This is where some of the mixed emotions come in. And just so you know these are REAL feelings here!! Everytime I see a new family added; in this order I feel:
(1) excited for them because they are beginning an awesome journey
(2) I look over it and pretend I'm a birthmom and wonder if that family seems like a family I would choose if I were in their situation.
(3) I read ours again(everytime) and wonder if ours stands out among the others (some of the families look amazing by the way and the profiles are great...
(4) Then I immediately feel a feeling of "man, more people added? How will anyone ever choose us if they keep adding other families?) SELFISH I KNOW BUT I'M KEEPING IT REAL:(
(5) But the amazing thing is that each time I have that feeling, I immediately have an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. I have no doubt that God is just reminding me that it doesn't matter how many there are or how awesome I think they seem, but HE already has the perfect baby for our family. HE already knows who it is and when it will be. So at that point I smile and go back to #1
See what I mean about a roller coaster!!!!! Here are a couple of quotes I've run across recently when I was having one of "those days"
I love when God puts people and things in your life exactly when you need it most! He's great at reminding us who's in control.
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